


Fainting Couches are Really Expensive

by kaptainkatpiss



Category: Game Grumps, Matt Watson - Fandom, supermega
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, SuperMega - Freeform, matt watson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 20:44:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20070322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaptainkatpiss/pseuds/kaptainkatpiss
Summary: You've said goodbye to so many of your counselling clients before, so why is this one so difficult to let go of?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What's up ya'll, I abandoned some old fics, but I'm alive!!! Here's my first ever Supermega fic, I'm super into it so I'm pretty much determined to finish it :P i can only hope to recieve the same wonderful support I had on my last serial fic (which, again, sorry for tanking). Ya'll are angels, thank you <3 
> 
> i'm drunk on gin, here's my first chapter

You pulled into your parking space that morning with a feeling of dread. It was a heavy sensation that made you feel as though your boots were made of lead. It took almost the whole drive to figure out why, of course. It was your last appointment with your favourite client. You weren't quite sure why you liked him so much, or why his discharge from your mental health services weighed so much on your heart. Perhaps it was his silly vernacular, and the way he enunciated certain words, making you unsure whether or not he was being ironic. Or maybe the way he never failed to make you laugh, no matter what mood either of you were in. Possibly even just his presence, which brought you an almost inappropriate level of comfort. Whatever the case may be, you were only sure of one thing; you'd greatly miss counselling Matt Watson. It never felt like you were at work when he came in. It felt like you were spending quality time with an old friend. Sometimes you'd both bring in your copies of Animal Crossing New Leaf (there was technically no rule against that) and wile away the sessions playing the game together, talking here and there about Matt's mental health as soon as he felt comfortable. The fact that you were so close in age definitely helped. You recalled a time where Matt told you that you were the first counselor he'd connected with like this. The first mental health professional who treated him like a human being and not just a name on a clip board. You remembered the short moment of bashfulness this gave you, immediately ruined by a feeling of anger. A feeling of frustration at the system and the way it handles vulnerable people who really need help. This was why you were here. To change the system from the inside and prove to people that it was still worth reaching out, that their feelings were important and they deserved to be cared for. This was your driving force. 

You finally decided you'd been sitting in your car pitying yourself for far too long. With a quick glance in your rear view mirror, making the necessary adjustments to your hair, you grabbed your case files and tote bag from the passenger seat, and off you went. Your work building was the same as ever. Far too warm, whatever the season, and a distinctive smell of paint that never quite dried.  _ Humour is subjective _ , you reminded yourself as you passed the same "funny" cat posters that lined the magnolia walls of the front office. At the front desk sat Felicity "Fliss" Cotton, a funny little woman in her early forties. She wore thick red frames on a beaded chain, and her curly red mane in a bun on top of her head, which throughout the day would migrate down until it came undone entirely. She had such a precious smile which showed all of her teeth and wrinkled her freckled nose and would make cheerful lines either side of her watery green eyes. 

"Good morning, y/n!" chirped Fliss from the front desk. 

"Indeed it is. You good?" you replied with a tired smile, stopping at the desk to lean and chat. 

"I'm good. Tired." Fliss replied, sunny as ever. 

"I think your version of tired is different to mine, babe." you sighed with a fond smile. Fliss giggled. 

"Bless you, child. How many clients for you today?" 

"Like four, I think, but a TON of cases to be typed up so yay me." you replied, raising your hands in mock celebration. Fliss shook her head and smiled at you, before the phone began to ring. 

"I'll catch you at lunch, right?" she said quickly, hand hovering over the phone. You nodded enthusiastically before shooting finger guns at your co-worker and heading down the hall. As soon as you entered your designated room, you shoulders became lose. Your jaw un-clenched, and a sigh escaped you from deep within. You'd spent the past couple of years getting this room perfect, and your efforts had paid off. Your desk sat in the corner, surrounded by a cheap but effective divider screen. The walls were painted a warm, light purple, which contrasted beautifully with your soft black carpet. Tapestries a string lights hung from the walls. You'd opted for minimal furniture, choosing a large black sofa, a coffee table, and an armchair. On the coffee table sat a glass bowl filled with pebbles and shells that you'd collected on your beach combing exploits. This room was everything to you. You felt safe, and so did your clients. It was the kind of space you would have needed as a troubled teenager, and you were more than happy to provide that to the vulnerable people of Glendale California. 

You snapped out of your flow, and your typing ground to a halt as you heard a knock at your door. You checked your watch.  _ Eleven. Shit.  _ Goosebumps rose on your skin as your stomach dropped. You took a few deep, grounding breaths before finally opening the door. On the other side, smiling his crooked smiled, holding an envelope, was the tall slender frame of Matt Watson. This was it. The last you'd ever see of him. 

"Hey, sweetie. Come on in." 


	2. Chapter 2

Matt shoved the envelope into your hands.

"What's this? You're so precious, what the hell?" you exclaimed, warmth filling your chest. 

"Wait don't open it yet!" Matt piped up, holding his hands up. "it's kind of embarrassing. Just. It's a thank you card but please read it when I'm gone. It's super cringe.” you raised an eyebrow. 

"Well now I  _ really _ want to open it." you chuckled. Matt jokingly sighed and held the bridge of his nose. "Don't worry, your emotional mush is safe with me. For now." you teased. Matt laughed weakly and took his usual seat on the sofa. You resumed your seat on the armchair facing him. 

"Right, young Matt. What's good?" you questioned kindly. Matt laughed and looked at the floor. Not a good sign. "Uh-oh. What's up, mister?" 

"It's hard to condense to be honest. It's been a pretty heavy weak, a lot of stress and weird feelings coming out of nowhere. And then of course it dawned on me that I'm not gonna see you anymore after this so I'll pretty much just be raw-dogging life." he replied. You both lightly chuckled at his phrasing. 

"And when you say raw-dogging life…" you prompted. 

"I mean I'll be back to going through everything alone." he confessed. Your heart swelled. 

"But you won't be. Because you know how to open up now and talk about your feelings and ask for help." you affirmed, sweetly. The progress Matt had made astounded you, but what was even more crazy was how reluctant he was to believe it at times. "You're not the same person you were when you first came in here, you're stronger and smarter." Matt's bright blue eyes met yours. Eye contact with him was always so intimate. He was an intense people-reader, an old soul who understood the energies and hearts of others. When he looked at you, you felt known. You felt seen. You felt valued. 

"Shit. That's good stuff." he admitted with a smile. 

Your heart melted. All your anxiety about the final session seemed to fall away. You focused in, did your job, and got the tall lanky boy where he needed to be. It felt like old friends having a drink on a patio in the summer. Everything about the next hour was so warm and sweet, but went by altogether too quickly. Before you knew it, it was time for Matt to leave. 

"Well. Thank you for today." he sighed, contentedly. You smiled. 

"No need to thank me, it's my job." you replied. Matt shook his head. 

"No, the bare minimum is your job. You go above and beyond. So take the ego boost." he insisted. You couldn't help but blush and giggle, which Matt found entirely too amusing. 

"Right. Thank you. Anything planned for today?" you asked, as was your routine with clients as you showed them out. 

"Not much, it's a let's-play kinda day." he said. 

"That sounds nice." you replied, slightly wishing you could spend the rest of the day playing video games with Matt. 

"A super chill time, I expect. Alrighty, y/n. I'll leave you to your work. Thank you for everything." he said warmly. 

"Give yourself credit, boy, you did more than I did. Not get outta here!" you said, pretending to kick him. Matt obliged, strolling out with a silly wave. You returned it, and got back to your case work. Great. Now you'd have a goofy grin stuck on your face for the rest of the day. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm still here! i'm getting super into this fic, I won't lie. It's my first ever x reader fic though, so please be patient with me as the narrative unravels and falls to shit. i'm struggling with pov chapters where the protag isn't present but being talked about, but i think i'm doing ok? i'll let ya'll be the judge of that
> 
> ps. i'm british, i didn't misspell coloured

The cream-coloured envelope seemed to stare at you from the other end of the sofa that evening. You'd built it up so much in your head, what the letter would say and how it would make you feel. Infinite theories had played on your mind throughout the day. You tried not to let your expectations scare you, but you couldn't help it. You'd successfully talked yourself out of opening Matt's card. It was probably nothing. Just a thank you card. Just a hand-written note. Some inside joke and a little illustration at the very most. Nothing to get worked up about. No matter how many times you told yourself this, you still couldn't make yourself open the envelope. So you did the only thing you could think of, and shut it away in your filing cabinet. The filing cabinet was your first ever piece of furniture. You'd found it at a flea market in less than satisfactory condition, but you'd bought it anyway thinking you'd use it to sort your mail. Instead it had become a black hole. You used it to put away letters that you didn't want to read but couldn't throw away, or takeout menus that you knew you'd use at some point. It was the perfect way to feign being a functional adult. So, into your personal paper purgatory went Matt’s letter. You breathed a sigh of relief, and continued hate-watching Twilight: New Moon. Anything to distract yourself, right?


	4. Chapter 4

“Sorry I’m late!” you sang as you rushed into the community hall and joined the circle. The group of women smiled at you as you gave a unanimous wave of greeting. 

“Better late than never, welcome back, how are you, sweetie?” replied Dee, the program leader, a graceful older woman with long dark hair who sat beside you. 

“Not too bad, you?” you replied, still catching your breath. Dee gave two thumbs up.

“Fabulous actually.” she said. “Right, ladies, I see some new faces which is always nice. So let’s get started, shall we? Y/n. How are you doing this week?” Your throat became dry. 

“I’m y/n,” 

“Hi, y/n”

“And it’s been almost three years since I got on the program. Haven’t pursued anyone in that time. Ya’ll know how it is.” you said, still catching your breath but managing to laugh with the room. “That’s what works for me I guess. Avoiding that stuff altogether and focusing on my passions and my purpose is the best way to avoid falling back into bad habits. Um. Yeah. I don’t know. I think I’m doing ok. Last week was kind of weird, I said goodbye to one of my favorite clients from work, which is always a bit emotional, you know? I guess that’s not relevant here, it’s just what’s on my mind. The person wrote me a thank-you card, which I still haven’t read. I’m kind of scared to.” you confessed, surprised at yourself for finally saying this stuff out loud.

“Why are you scared?” prompted Dee. You were silent for a moment. You didn’t really know. Now was as good a time as ever to figure it. 

“I don’t know. I guess I’ve grown quite attached to the person. And if I read the card it means their work with me is truly over?” you guessed. 

“Well are you asking us or telling us?” Dee persisted. Now you were stumped. You admitted that your explanation was wholly a guess, and you had no idea what you were so afraid of. Dee gave you a knowing smile, and thankfully let someone else speak. 

After the group finished, you hurried over to the refreshment table. 

“Hey bitch.” said a voice from behind you, making you jump. You turned around to see Dee. 

“Wow someone’s taken their professional coat off rather soon, haven’t they?” you said, shaking your head and tutting. Dee shrugged and smiled, helping herself to a coffee. 

“So you’re very distracted this evening.” she said gently, almost like a suggestion. You froze, doughnut hanging out of your mouth. Dee looked at you before offering you a napkin. “You’re not in trouble, y/n, I just want to know if you’re ok.” You took the napkin and released the doughnut from your teeth. 

“I’m good, Dee. Honest.” you insisted. Dee gave you a skeptical look and said nothing. “What?” 

“Well I’ve been doing this for a while. I’ve seen this before, you know.” she said. You gave her a look of confusion. “Are you avoiding some real feelings you have for someone?” her accusation almost made you choke on the sweet, pillowy confection.

“Feelings? Me? Come on now. I’m not in that place anymore, I don’t just get feelings for people like that.” you scoffed. Dee shook her head and pushed her glasses up. 

“Y/n, you know you’re allowed to love, right? The point of Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous isn’t to eradicate sex and love altogether, it’s to get you to a point where you make healthy connections and don’t make destructive decisions.” she explained. Her words resonated with you but you couldn’t seem to apply them to yourself right now. 

“Dee, I promise you I’m fine. I’m not avoiding love or whatever. Besides, even if I was, it’d be because I’m in a really good place right now and I don’t need a partner coming in a fucking that up for me.” you said, determinedly. Dee sighed. 

“I think you’ll find you just proved my point.” she said, crossing her arms. “There’s a difference between being happy on your own, and actively sabotaging your chances at love.” Deep down you knew she was right. You’d gotten so good at cutting yourself off from romance, in fear that you would end up in the same place you were three years ago, that you’d started isolating yourself. You’d become unable to distinguish destructive patterns and healthy love, so therefore just avoided it altogether. 

“Fine, Dee. Whatever you say. I’m still a little messed up, I haven’t figured it all out yet.” you admitted. Dee put a hand on your shoulder. 

“Rephrase that.” she said, sternly. You sighed. 

“Ugh, ok fine. I still have some challenges to overcome. Happy?” you said, Dee laughed at you.

“That’s my girl. Remember you’re allowed to love and be loved.” she said gently. You sniffed and looked away. 

“Well shit, I’m might cry.” you said, through a half-laugh, half-sob. Dee wrapped her arms around you and chuckled. 

“You’re gonna be fine, little one. You know where I am if you need anything, right?” she said, releasing you from the hug. You nodded and wiped your eyes. 

“Thank you. Shit, I’m gonna write that down somewhere. I gotta run, see ya next week, love ya.” you said said, rushing out of the community hall and giving Dee a wave. As sponsors go, you’d struck gold with this one. You exited the building and began to walk the two blocks to your car. While checking your phone, you didn’t notice the figure in front of your until you collided with it. 

“Shit!” you exclaimed, almost dropping your phone. “I’m sorry, my bad, I was-...Matt?” you looked up to see the skinny pale face that you were so familiar with, smiling at you in happy surprise. 

“Y/n! How are you doing?” he asked, excitedly. You were almost tempted to tell him you’d just had an almost revelation at SLAA, but thought better of it. 

“I’m good, so so good. How are you doing, did you just finish work?” you asked, looking at your watch to see the time was nine-thirty. 

“Yup. Honestly this is an early finish for me at the Grumps office.” Matt replied, with a tired laugh. 

“Well hey, don’t work too hard. Remember, self care, et cetera.” you said, shooting finger guns at the lanky boy. “Oh and hey, thanks for the uhh...the card.” 

“You didn’t open it, did you?” accused Matt with a knowing smile. You were shocked at how well he could read you. You put the heel of your palm on your forehead and sighed. 

“Ok fine, I didn’t. Not yet. I’ve been busy!” you said, defensively. Matt giggled at you. 

“It’s fine, no pressure.” you were relieved that he didn’t push the subject. “Anyway I’ll see ya around.” 

“I hope so.” you replied with a smile. Matt gave you a miniature salute before heading off. You sighed again.  _ Well,  _ you thought to yourself,  _ guess I’ve got some reading to do.  _


	5. Chapter 5

Ok so maybe you had a mild crush on Matt, which explained a lot. No big deal. It didn’t have to mean anything. It didn’t have to ruin your life. Your hand hovered over your filing cabinet, while you inwardly nagged yourself to open it. Finally you managed to whip out the envelope. You were almost scared to touch it, as though it might burn your skin. You ran through worst case scenarios before finally just tearing open the envelope. You pulled out a cheesy, colourful card which read “THANK YOU” in bold lettering on the front. A grin spread across your face, worries already dissipating. You opened the card, immediately met which a swelling feeling in your chest. 

_ Dear y/n, _

_ Thank you, ya crazy bitch! You’ve legitimately changed my life. You have a gift and you’re so cool to share it with the world. I was thinking I’m gonna miss hanging out with you every week, and then thought “why do I have to miss her?” so anyway here’s my digits. Hit me up for a New Leaf date soon. Take it easy, silly queen x  _

_ Rattboi  _

You giggled as a wave of warmth and relief washed over you.  _ That’s  _ what you spent a week avoiding?  _ That’s  _ what had been keeping you awake at night? You scoffed at yourself. A weight had been lifted. Your phone started ringing from over on the coffee table, startling you. You looked to see it was a facetime call from your sister. You answered to see that she was in her kitchen with her phone propped up while she did chores. 

“Waddup, Tara.” you sang. Tara looked up from her task of repotting plants. 

“Hey bitch!” she exclaimed in her thick Boston accent. She wore a wide grin as she up one of her soil-covered hands in a gesture of greeting. 

“You good?” you said, setting down Matt’s card, fully ready to re-read it again and again after your call with Tara. 

“Super duper, how you doing, baby?” she replied. You looked back at the card and smiled. Tara caught this subtle moment. “What’s that face, huh?” 

“Nothing, I have no face, what are you talking about?” you replied, defensively. Tara giggled at you. 

“Fine, keep your secrets-”

“Alright, Frodo.”

“Fuck you. Listen to me please, bitch?” Tara said, clasping her muddy hands together. Your silence was her cue. “I was actually calling to congratulate you. I got a calendar alert today.  _ Someone  _ is officially three years sober! You guys still call it that, right? Like, if it's not for drinking and drugs?” Your face lit up. You were touched that your younger sister took such an interest in your life and your progress. 

“Yup, we do. But you're right, I’m someone.” you replied bashfully. Tara clapped her hands together. 

“An independent queen! We stan!” she squealed “How are you gonna celebrate?” Silence. You hadn’t even thought about celebrating. How do you celebrate that? Get all your family together, holding a banner that says “I haven’t stalked anyone or had my pussy touched in 3 years” ? You giggled at the imagery. 

“God, I dunno. What do you suggest?” you asked. Tara cocked her head and mused for a few seconds before her eyes twinkled.

“Big ol’ party.” she said in a hushed tone. 

“As in throw a party. At my apartment. Is that what you’re saying to me?” you replied in confusion. 

“Yeah, why not? You’ve earned it.” said Tara, placing her spider plant in fresh soil and giving it a gentle stroke of affection. 

“Well...I don’t really know that many people. There’s Fliss. And Dee. That’s pretty much it.” you sighed. 

“Ah, yeah, that’s kind of an obstacle. What about that guy, the one you play Animal Crossing with, Max or whatever?” she suggested. 

“Um, it’s Matt. And no, I can’t invite him.” you said. Tara frowned. 

“And why not? I thought you and him were, like, best buds?” she said. 

“Well, no hun, he’s an ex-client, there’s a difference.” you replied. Tara raised an eyebrow at you. 

“Ex-client. He’s not your client anymore, you can socialise with him, right?” she said. You thought for a moment. You’d heard horror stories of people abusing the positions of power that you had. But now there was no professional boundary, and the power dynamic between you and Matt was always one of complete balance and equality. There was no upper hand. 

“I guess...but he doesn’t know this stuff about me. Do I have to tell him?” you said.

“Of course not, dingus. Just invite him. Have a quiet cheese and wine night with the girls or something. Or a wicked rager.” 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up - i know matt and ryan don't live together or work at game grumps anymore :))) 
> 
> ALSO this is my first ever x reader fic, how tf do ya'll write these and not confused the shit out of yourselves????? i find it???? so hard????? like writing in second person then third person was a weird choice that i made in this chapter, i have no idea what i'm doing, roast me, i'm having fun 
> 
> ugh anyway, love y'all <3

Matt let himself into his apartment that evening to find his roommate Ryan on the couch under a blanket, eyes lazily fixed on the TV in front of him. 

“How you feeling, big guy?” Matt asked, setting his keys down on the coffee table. Ryan let out a grunt. 

“Like a big ol’ pile of shit, brother.” replied Ryan through his nasal congestion. “How was your day?” 

“Not bad, I bumped into y/n on the way home.” said Matt, shrugging in an effort to seem casual after mentioning you. Ryan lifted his scruffy head to give Matt a knowing smile. 

“Oh?” he prompted. Matt rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, very funny, Ryan. I’m a little bitch-boy who wants to ride off into the sunset with my counsellor, haha. So funny.” Matt replied. Ryan’s giggle filled the room. 

“That’s the basic outline, yeah.” Ryan said through his jovial peels of laughter.

“Awesome, thank you for the support. I don’t think there’s hope for me there though.” said Matt, dejectedly and taking a seat beside the thicker boy. Ryan sat up and frowned. 

“Ok, why’s that?” he asked. He’d listened to Matt rave about you for months now, so naturally it was confusing to hear him be so defeatist. Matt shrugged. 

“She didn’t even open it, man.” he sighed. Ryan put a friendly hand on Matt’s shoulder. 

“Ouch, sorry. Plenty other fish in the sea though right?” he said, trying his best to console his lanky friend. Matt clenched his jaw and nodded in reluctant agreement. He didn’t want another fish, however. He’d spent a while not being all that interested in fishing altogether. He’d been focusing on himself, his recovery, his mental health, his career, and his friendships. Girls were the last thing on his mind at that point. That was until his first appointment with his counsellor. 

Matt thought back to walking into the Wellbeing Centre for the first time, with sweaty palms, not quite sure what to expect, and ten minutes early. Those ten minutes were just enough time for him to overthink, however. His mind raced with scenarios about what it would mean to get better, whether or not anyone had seen him walk into the building, etc. but his train of thought was interrupted when he heard his name. He looked up to see a woman standing in the doorway that lead out of the front office and into the hall. The woman had a friendly smile spread across her soft features. She wore a loose plaid shirt, black jeans, and laced up combat boots. She took a confident stance that seemed relaxed and effortless. But it was her eyes that caught Matt’s attention the most. They were so alive, they seemed to sparkle at him. He hurriedly took out his headphones and stuffed his phone in his pocket. 

“Hey.” he said, standing up “You’re my counsellor?” The woman smiled and nodded.

“Why do you look so surprised?” she enquired with a giggle. Matt wavered. 

“You’re just, uh, not what I was expecting is all.” he replied with a weak laugh. She raised an eyebrow before shrugging. 

“I’ll take it as a compliment. Alrighty, follow me.” she said, leading Matt down the hall and into a beautiful room. Matt’s stress and anxiety seemed to dissolve upon entering this space. The twinkling string lights and the smell of incense wasn’t all it took to calm him though. There was something about the presence of this counsellor that was so different to the ones he’d been made to see in school. She was soft but strong, confident but with an air of humbleness. Even just the way she looked at him made him feel at home. 

“Make yourself comfortable, sit wherever.” the woman said sweetly. Matt obliged and sat on the couch. He seemed to sink into it, which alleviated some of his remaining anxiety. “You like that couch, huh? I wanted to get a fainting couch, you know those victorian thingies in cliché therapist offices, but they’re really fuckin’ expensive.” Hearing her speak so casually put Matt at ease. That day something shifted for him. He regained hope that he could still make real connections, after everything that had happened to him. A connection like the one he had with y/n was rare, and far too special to let go. 

\--

“You want me to cook ya somethin’ greasy? Take your mind off her?” Ryan offered, gently. Matt nodded, and sunk backwards into the couch. He was immediately roused, however, by the sound of his phone vibrating on the coffee table.  _ What now?  _ He thought, mentally exhausted. An unknown number flashed up on the screen, and he answered with a tired “Yes?” there were a few seconds of silence. 

“Hey.” said the voice on the other side of the phone. Matt recognized it immediately, and his heart began to pound. 


	7. Chapter 7

Your chest swelled as you heard the dial tone.  _ Fuck, am I really doing this?  _ You thought to yourself. Your mouth became dry as you heard a sigh on the other end. 

"Yes?" said a tired voice. God, that voice. It was a little defeated, but it was still him. So warm and familiar. You were so fixated that you almost forgot to respond. 

"Hey." you said gently, melting into the couch. 

"Um, is this y/n?" Matt replied, nervously. 

"Yup, it's me." you said, with a sigh of contentment.

"Wow. So you opened the card." said Matt. You could practically hear the boyish grin playing on his lips. It reminded you of all the times you'd had to stop yourself staring at his lips in your office. A lot of shit was starting to make sense now that you'd admitted to yourself your possible feelings for this lanky god of a man. 

"Yeah, sorry it took a while, it's been a really busy week, you know how it be." you chuckled. You heard Matt laugh lightly through his nose. 

"Yeah, I know the feeling." he replied. You switched the phone to speaker and started sifting through your calendar, landing on a date next weekend. 

"So uh, I was just chiming in to see what you're doing next Saturday?" you asked nervously. You hadn't even invited anyone or planned anything yet. For all you knew, everyone could be busy and Matt could be the only one there. You smiled silently to yourself, thinking that a 1-1 party with Matt wouldn't be so bad. You heard Matt making funny little clicking noises with his tongue, which you presumed meant he was going through his calendar too. 

"I'm free that day, why?" he asked. 

"Well I'm thinking of having a party." you said. 

"You're thinking of having one or you're actually having one?" Matt said, laughing. You sighed and rolled your eyes. You adored the tone he took with you sometimes, speaking slightly down to you but only in jest. 

"Well I'm not one-hundred percent sure yet. I was gonna ask if you could bring some friends? I wanna get some people together." you said, tripping over your words as your nerves started to build up again. You always thought the fear of sounding like a loser would magically melt away after high-school. But even now at twenty-five, it still had a tendency to creep in. 

"Swag dude, yes. I can totally do that. How many people have you invited already, are you trying to keep it small, or…?" he replied. You chuckled inwardly. 

"Um, I actually haven't invited anybody. I'm going to, I just, yannoe, thought I'd hit you up first." you said, your voice tailing off timidly. 

"I'm the first person you invited?" he said. You were silent. "Ha! You miss me! You miss the absolute shit out of me!" his exclamation caused you to roll your eyes again, but you couldn't inhibit the goofy grin that danced upon your lips. 

"Yeah, happy?" you said with a giggle. 

"Ecstatic." said Matt. You heard him catch his breath slightly, but thought nothing of it. 

"Awesome. Uh. Bring as many people as you want. Like don't go wicked crazy, obviously, but yannoe. A crowd." you said, laying back and putting your feet in the air. 

"A crowd. Gotcha. OK. I'll bring the boys. And booze." he confirmed. 

"God yes. Alright boi, hit ya up soon." you finalised, still grinning. 

"See ya, bud." said Matt. You hung up the phone. You giggled like an idiot, unable to stop the sides of your mouth from curling upwards and your eyes from crinkling. A wave of comfort, a warm cosy feeling enwrapped you. You didn't have to say a final goodbye to Matt after all. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter contains emotional abuse, pertaining to the "reader" character's past relationship, proceed with the knowledge that the following chapter may be upsetting.

"Hello lover." said a sinister voice from behind you. It echoed off the cold floors and plain walls of your college's psychology building hallway. You'd know that voice anywhere. You kept walking. 

"Hey, I'm talking to you." repeated the booming male voice, becoming impatient with you now. You clutched your books closer to your chest and picked up your pace, but this only made your pursuer grow more unhappy with you. You felt fingers dig into your shoulder as a skinny hand turned you around. You were faced with a sickly-looking boy who stood about half a foot taller than you, with a dirty blonde mop and wispy facial hair. 

"Monty, please leave me alone." you begged. Monty's mouth fell open and he scoffed, wide eyed.

"Ok so last night you blew up my phone with paragraphs about how much I apparently hurt you, then you blocked me, and now you won't even talk to me at school? You're such a chore." he spat. Your heart sank. Clenching a fist behind your book, you raised your chin. 

"I know what I said. I needed closure. I needed you to know how you treated me and now you do, so leave me alone." you said, trying your hardest to stop your voice from wavering. Monty laughed at you cruelly. 

"Right, because you're perfect, obviously. You honestly think I was the only one at fault in our relationship don't you?" he said. "You think you're such a victim, when really you're the reason I'm like this in the first place-" 

"Stop it-" 

"You always think you're the victim-" He gripped your wrist 

"Monty, I said stop-" 

"But you're a fucking sociopath, you hurt everyone in your life, including me-" 

"Monty seriously, let go!" 

"LET ME FINISH! You need to stop trying to have control. You and I broke up. So leave me alone. You're gonna be alone forever if you keep this shit up. Don't ever fucking contact me again. Cunt." he seethed, throwing your wrist down and pushing past you to walk away. You didn't even have time to run to the bathroom before your eyes started streaming with tears. Two years, you'd spent with Monty. Two years that had started off so exciting. 

At seventeen, you found Monty's soundcloud. His music wasn't all too special, but for some reason it excited you, so you took it upon yourself to message him privately. He was a little condescending, but there was still something about him that captivated you. It wasn't long before you both started flirting, and decided to start your long distance relationship. You were ecstatic to finally have found someone to love and be loved by. You would take a seven hour drive from Boston to Maryland just to see him now and then. You didn't even care that he never came to see you. Things got a little weirder around the time where he took your virginity though. He started becoming more entitled and more aggressive. The more comfortable your relationship became, the less he held back on reacting purely out of emotion towards you. You excused his outbursts and his hurtful words, time and time again, telling yourself that it was passion and fire. Thankfully you wised up a little when you both got to college. But even then, he still knew exactly what to say to make you doubt yourself and send you spiralling. 


	9. Chapter 9

Christian tried his best to get a weak, giggling, intoxicated Matthew off the lawn. 

"Get up, you fuckin' twink." insisted Christian through fits of giggles. The efforts were fruitless, and Matt managed to pull the smaller boy onto the lawn. Christian protested at first, but then leaned into the satisfying coolness of the grass. The pair took a moment to regain their breath. 

"I'm gonna miss you, man. No homo." panted Matt. Christian sighed. 

"No sympathy over here, you made the choice to drop out." giggled Christian. Matt's hand slapped his ribcage. 

"Shut the fuck up, man, tell me you're gonna miss me too." Matt snapped. Christian leant up on his elbows and looked down at his impossibly gangly best friend. Maybe he would miss this fucking string bean. 

"Fine, gay. I'll miss you too." admitted Christian. 

"Thank you, was that so hard?" said Matt. Christian rolled his eyes. 

"So have you told Eleanor yet?" he asked. Matt tensed up and his stomach dropped. Every time he thought about telling her, he imagined how her face would fall. She would look up at him and shake her head. And he hadn't even thought about how he'd bring up the topic of moving to LA. 

"I'm waiting for the right time." Matt said meekly. Christian placed a hand on his shoulder. 

"Do you really think there's a right time to tell your girlfriend you're moving across the country?" he asked. Matt met his eyes.

"Ok. I'll tell her tomorrow. Where is she anyway?" Matt replied, realising he hadn't seen his fiery little redhead for a few hours. Last he remembered she'd been playing beer pong. He wasn't all too sure of where they'd lost one another through the night, but they'd been together long enough for this not to be a big deal. That was what made it so much harder for Matt to tell her he was leaving. They'd been through so much together already, from when she won his heart shotgunning a beer at the first college party he attended, and then fell for her even harder when she made a haphazard drawing of him on a napkin over their first date. He was slightly offended, and remarked that she'd made him look like gumby. However, he let her off when she countered that gumby was her childhood crush. Eleanor was manic, passionate, with a belly full of fire. She would call him up at ridiculous times of the night telling him she was either stranded, horny, or just felt up for an adventure. Their fights were harsh with biting words, but the make-up sex was extraordinary. She certainly kept him on his toes. But their love never wavered. Sure, there were times where she didn't give him her full attention, and was far more focused on indulging her impulses. Matt recalled several instances where he'd needed some physical affection of the innocent kind, only for Eleanor to try and initiate sex, and guilt trip him for not wanting to. But through the highs and the lows, he was certain all she needed was patience and love in order to grow, and therefore stuck by her. Matt was confident that his little lady would change. He had faith in her strength of character. She was always surprising him, and he was certain she wasn't about to stop now. It was in that moment that he gained clarity. A realization that he needed to see her. To come clean, and to spend as much time with her as he could before leaving to pursue his dreams in LA. 

"Where ya goin'?" slurred Christian as Matt suddenly stood up, wobbling as he found his footing. 

"I'm gonna go kiss my woman." replied Matt, smugly. He adopted a goofy march as he re-entered the student house through the back door. Upon entering, he was reminded of why he and Christian had migrated to the garden in the first place. The house was stuffy, and smelled like weed and old takeout. There were far too many bodies to comfortably occupy any space, and Matt's nose wrinkled as Avicii blared through the confined space. He reminded himself it would be worth it once he found Eleanor, and scanned the crowded living room for her. They usually found one another in crowds within seconds. The short girl's fiery mane served as a sort of beacon, while Matt's height gave him an advantage. This raised concern with Matt, as Eleanor was nowhere to be seen, just drunken bodies grinding against each other. He popped his head into the kitchen, but was barked at to "fuck off" by the occupiers (a couple who had been in a partially clothed passionate embrace). He obliged with an awkward apology and a nervous laugh, before beginning his journey upstairs. He could hear voices, and figured Eleanor was probably having a heart to heart with someone she barely knew, as such was her party routine around this time of night. Matt followed the voices to a bedroom at the end of the hall, and recognised one of the voices as his girlfriend. But she sounded different. She sounded the way she did when they'd first met, which was low pitched and breathy, as though she were putting up a front to impress somebody. Matt knocked on the door, just in case, and was met with a male voice. 

"Occupied!" said the voice. Matt's heart dropped into his stomach. He felt his blood run cold. Taking a deep, shaky breath, he tried his best to remain calm. 

"El, are you in there?" he called weakly. He heard shuffling and whispering, before being greeted by the girl he loved, opening the door. 

"Matty, baby! I missed you, where'd you go?" she said, snaking her arms around his shoulders and giving him a beaming smile. He could have kissed her in the moment, but was distracted by the sight of a smug looking guy of around his age, sitting on the bed. Matt shot daggers at the young man, who gave him a curt wave. 

"I wanna go home." Matt said firmly, inwardly cursing himself for the crack in his voice. Eleanor frowned. 

"But I wanna stay, I'm having a good time." she whined, pouting her pretty pink lips. Matt's eyes widened. 

"Yeah, I can see that." he said, sending a pointed glance at the other guy. Eleanor's face contorted in disbelief, and she let go of him. 

"OK, and what's that supposed to mean?" she said, crossing her arms. Matt could have cackled at how much his lover was insulting his intelligence right now. 

"It means your shirt's on backwards." said Matt bluntly. Eleanor's face dropped, while Matt just stood staring. 

"Josh, go away." she said, without taking her eyes off Matt. The young man in the bedroom sighed and clambered off the bed. He stopped in the doorway and turned to face Matt. 

"Look, uh, for what it's worth I-" he began but Matt held up a hand. 

"You wanna let me talk to my girlfriend alone, bud?" he suggested, passive aggressively. Josh nodded and disappeared down the corridor. As soon as Matt was sure the other male was gone, he turned his attention back to Eleanor. 

"Right, let's get into it." he said, determinedly, ushering his girl into the room and closing the door. He sat down on the bed and looked at her expectantly. "Floor's yours, darlin'." Eleanor began chewing on her nails.

"Look, I wanna explain. You have no idea what it's been like for me recently, ok?" the redhead stammered. 

"Then explain. Just gimme a vague picture, Eleanor." he asked, almost amused by how she was trying to wriggle out of this one. 

"You have no idea what it's like to feel judged by everyone every day, and for people to wonder why you're even with me when I look like this!" Eleanor snapped. Matt nodded slowly, digesting what he’d just been told, silently astounded by the way she was trying to turn this around. 

"OK. But you know every guy on campus would give their left nut to be with you so that excuse is out, what else ya got?" Matt said, gently. Eleanor's eyes switched from pitiful to furious. 

"You say that but I see you look at other girls, literally all the time!" she argued. 

"I'll own that, but no matter how many girls I look at, you're the only one I've ever wanted." Matt said, his cool, confrontational demeanor crumbling as he leant into the hurt he was feeling. Eleanor sensed this and gently took a seat next to him on the bed. She placed a hand on his thigh. 

"Baby, I'm sorry, barely anything happened. We were drunk and we just made out a little but I promise it was just that. Matty, I love you so much, please let me make this right?" she cooed tenderly. Matt turned to face her. Her brown eyes looked sincere. Their lips met as softly as they had on their first sweet kiss. Matt felt the hurt start to fade, until he felt Eleanor’s nimble hand move from his thigh to the front of his pants. He jumped up. 

"Are you kidding me right now? Not everything can just be fixed with sex, how have you not figured that out by now?" Matt said, his eyes beginning to sting. 

"I'm not trying to fix anything with sex, I'm trying to show you that I love you!" snapped Eleanor indignantly. Matt let out a half-laugh, half-sob. Eleanor threw her hands in the air. "I literally can't deal with this anymore. The rejection is constant, Matthew. Why are you even with me if you don't wanna fuck me?" 

"Really?" Matt replied in disbelief. "You were half dressed with another dude, literally  _ minutes  _ ago! How can I possibly be the bad guy in this situation? You just betrayed me, and everything I thought we had, I fucking  _ loved _ you, El!" it was impossible for Matt to stop his reactions now, as tears fell down his cheeks, both of which had grown hot and flushed red. Eleanor's eyes were now cast down in shame. "You're the first woman I've ever loved." Matt's frantic breath settled, and was replaced by a heavy sigh. Eleanor began sobbing into her knees. Part of Matt wanted to hold her. It didn't feel right to stand and watch her cry and not do anything. But the other part of him was so hurt and enraged that he'd happily never see this girl again. 

"I'm moving away to LA." he said, quietly. This was the right time. Eleanor had presented him with the perfect opportunity. Her sparkling, teary eyes looked up at him with her mouth agape. 

"Oh now you’re just being dramatic." she said. Matt rolled his eyes. 

"It's not because of what happened here. Although that does make it easier. I'm dropping out of college and going to LA for work. You know those guys I made the music video with?" he said, heavily. El was silent for a moment before wiping her eyes on her sleeve. 

"So you really don't wanna work this out, do you?" she said, defeatedly. Matt took a deep breath. Of course he wanted to work this out. He wanted everything to be alright, he wanted to scoop his auburn haired beauty up in his arms and rock her until she stopped crying and fell asleep on his chest. But there were limits to what he would put up with, and this was the final straw. 

"I don't think we can." he sighed. Eleanor resumed her sobbing, while Matt stood lingering for a moment. He felt the temptation to sit with her and tell her everything would be OK. But images of her with that deadbeat Josh danced around in his mind. That was the last time he saw her. 


	10. Chapter 10

You were always very aware of the little sounds in your office when you were alone and bored. The slight hum and occasional click of your computer could almost have lulled you to sleep, only for you to probably be awoken by the sound of your colleagues chattering as they walked through the halls. Today was slow. You'd taken two of your appointments, had one client cancel, and while you had no unfinished case work, you still stayed in your office on the off chance of a walk-in client. The time was twelve-thirty, which made you wonder if Matt was awake. He'd often spoken about his sleeping pattern (or lack thereof) and naturally you were curious. Would it be so out of left-field to text him? You tapped your nails on your desk while you poured over the idea, eventually decided to bite the bullet. You justified your decision by telling yourself you would have to talk at some point to give him your address for the party. So, with fingers shaking due to an exhilarating combination of excitement and anxiety, you typed out a message. 

_ You: You good?  _

You immediately locked your phone and placed it face down. Your mind raced with every experience of being left on seen and the devastation that seemed to come with it. Rejection had become such a weakness for you at one point in your life that it could knock you on your back and put you out of action for days. You recalled one specific instance of locking yourself in your room, making a blanket fort and crying inside of it while listening to I Know it's Over by The Smiths. Although you weren't that person anymore, and you'd gotten to the route of why rejection affected you the way it did, the same feeling still managed to creep in sometimes. Your phone buzzed, making you jump. 

_ Matt: super good, just got to work. How's u???  _

You couldn't help but smile. You'd never seen his text vernacular before, but you immediately found it endearing. 

_ You: I'm good too, just bored. What you doing at work today??  _

_ Matt: shitton of editing lol  _

_ Matt: why you bored tho?? Are your other clients boring as shit lol  _

_ You: fun fun fun  _

_ You: and NO, rude!!!! :0 _

_ You: just got nothing to do currently _

  
  


_ Matt: yeah, I live a fun life. And I'm sure there's something you can do, lazy ass  _

_ You: :0 _

_ Matt: surprised pikachu ass  _

_ Matt: do some squats  _

_ Matt: write a book  _

_ Matt: if your WiFi isn't too shitty watch a movie  _

  
  


_ You: yeah OK lmao. Any suggestions??  _

  
  


_ Matt: you know I'mma say Forrest Gump  _

_ Matt: in classic matt watson fashion _

  
  


_ You: what did I even expect  _

  
  


_ Matt: it's an American classic, can't beat Forrest Gump. Gets me every time  _

_ You: which part  _

_ Matt: every part  _

  
  


_ You: yeah me too  _

_ You: also the part where Forrest gets all mad and violent at jenny's naked concert thing  _

_ You: you know what part I'm talking about  _

  
  


_ Matt: I do  _

_ Matt: we love  _

_ Matt: a protective  _

_ Matt: K I N G  _

_ _

_ You: ugh yes we do  _

_ You: o btw uhhhh _

_ You: I have maximum like 4 real friends in LA _

  
  


_ Matt: swag dude  _

_ Matt: quality over quantity  _

_ You: big agree  _

_ You: however. How am I gonna throw a party  _

  
  


_ Matt: christ  _

_ Matt: why are you throwing a party if you don't know anybody 😂  _

The flow died as you ransacked your brain for any possible excuse. Maybe one day you'd tell him why but at that moment you just weren't ready. 

_ You: housewarming  _

_ You: celebration _

_ You: meet new people  _

_ You: get drunk  _

  
  


_ Matt: all good reasons  _

_ Matt: just invite a bunch of people on your Facebook, that's what I do  _

_ You: well shit  _

_ You: look at you Mr. Rational _

_ You: Ratt is short for rational  _

  
  


_ Matt: wow  _

_ You: OK so _

_ You: you bring like  _

_ You: idk 4 or 5 people  _

_ You: I invite my 4 friends and some assholes  _

  
  


_ Matt: and we all draw dicks on your face when you pass out  _

_ You: that's the plan. That's the reason I'm _

_ throwing a party _

_ Matt: knew it  _


	11. Chapter 11

By inviting every asshat from college that you were friends with on Facebook, you'd managed to rally a half decent crowd for your party. You surveyed your lively apartment proudly with your hands on your hips. Fliss and Dee had helped you hang string-lights everywhere, replicating a cliché set from a high-school movie that you'd so desperately sought after in your teen years. The chime of your phone brought you out of the moment, but was made up for by the excitement of seeing Matt's name light up your screen. You practically skipped to the ground floor and flung open the door of your building. Outside stood Matt, with a beaming smile, looking slightly out of breath, accompanied by four other people. "Hey, you guys good?" you said warmly, to whom you presumed were the aforementioned 'boys'. Among them was a shorter, wider man with long dark hair tied back in a sloppy bun. The lower half of his face was perfectly framed with thick facial hair. Accompanying him were two young men that looked related, both with glasses and one with artful "hipster" facial hair. Finally, standing taller than his friends, was a laid-back lumberjack type with shoulder length hair and a clean-shaved face. 

"This is Ryan, Tucker, Jackson, and Harrison. The assholes I roll with." Matt said with a smirk, pointing to each member of the group in correspondence with their names. They gave their own awkward introductions, before you lead them up to your apartment. 

"Insert cliché phrase in the vain of 'make yourself at home'." you drawled as you let the group in to your place. They all seemed to make a beeline for the kitchen to pour themselves drinks, while Matt stuck beside you. 

"Nice place." he said, casually, as his eyes scanned your living room. "Wanna give me the tour?" Matt's smirk made it impossible for you to keep a straight face. 

"Fine, weirdo." you responded, leading him to your room. 

"So this is where the magic happens. And by magic and I mean jerking off to femme-punk." you said in mock smugness. Matt chuckled at your statement as his eyes scanned his surroundings. 

"I gotta say this isn't what I was expecting." he said, inspecting your wall off posters and photographs. You raised an eyebrow. 

"Oh?" you replied, intrigued. "What were you expecting?" 

Matt clicked his tongue, while still searching the wall with his eyes. "I dunno. I expected your room to be kinda…" 

"Mature?" you offered. 

"Actually I was gonna say 'post-puberty'. But sure." he replied, turning to face you with a smirk. You lightly shoved him. 

"Ass. I'm sentimental, ok?" you said with a giggle. Matt lightly shoved you in return. 

"I didn't say it was a bad thing. It's a cute room, I like it a lot." he said, giving you a warm smile before his eyes returned to the photo wall, widening as they found the perfect opportunity to tease you. He homed in on a picture of a little girl with a wicked smile, sitting in a stroller with ice cream melting all over her hands and lap. 

"Who's this, huh?" Matt raised an eyebrow at you. 

"Hush, I was four." you sighed. Matt laughed. 

"Look at that chubby little face!" he giggled. He moved his attention to a photo of two young women, standing ankle deep in the ocean with their backs to the camera, heads thrown back in laughter. 

"Wholesome content." Matt said, pointing at the picture. 

"Yup, that's me and my sister. My aunt takes a wicked candid." you replied, fondly observing the photo of you and Tara. You felt a pang in your chest, as you hated being so far away from her. Matt sensed the shift in your energy, and diverted your attention to a Polaroid of you arm in arm with Dee, both of you holding glasses of wine, red in the face with slightly mussed up hair. 

"Who's this fine piece?" he asked, pointing at the older female. 

"That's Dee. Oh my god, you gotta meet Dee!" you said, realising you'd pretty much brought Matt to your room without a word to anybody. When you emerged, you saw Dee surrounded by twenty-somethings as she stood at your dinner table. Her eyes yielded laser-like focus as she was poised with a ping-pong ball in her hand. You stood for a moment and watched fondly. 

“Oh boy, she boutta do it.” Matt whispered. With one swift motion, she threw the ball, and it landed with a satisfying plop in the other team’s cup. 

“Alright, Dee!” you cheered. She looked up and beamed before leaving the crowd and joining you and Matt. 

“Hello, youths.” she said, looking Matt up and down. You gritted your teeth as she gave you a knowing smile. 

“Uh, Dee, this is Matt.” you said, nervously. Matt awkwardly held out his hand, preparing to shake Dee’s. She scoffed at his outstretched hand before pulling him into a hug. Good Lord. 

“It’s nice to meet you.” Matt said nervously when Dee let him go. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you too.” she replied slyly. Your eyes widened as you shook your head at her, but it was too late. Matt was already giving you a smug smile. 

“Oh? Must have heard a lot about me, huh?” he said, raising an eyebrow. You sighed and nudged him. 

“Awesome, great talk, come on, let’s get you a drink, huh?” you said, ushering Matt away while shooting a glare at Dee. She simply gave you a proud smile before returning to her adoring crowd of beer-pong spectators. 

You joined Matt’s friends again, who were still hanging around the drinks and chatting. 

“What’s up my racial slurs?” said Matt, shooting finger guns at his friends. 

“We were just talkin’ shit.” said Jackson.

“Yeah, about you.” said Ryan, with a completely straight face. 

“Well shit, don’t let me stop you.” chuckled Matt as he poured himself to a drink. You smiled as you opened a bottle of beer for yourself. 

“For some reason I thought you’d be older.” Ryan said, pointing the neck of his cidre bottle at you. You sipped your beer. 

“Oh?” 

“Yeah. Yannoe, being a counsellor. Not that Matt said you were old or anything. Just that I pictured someone a lot older for some reason-”

“Ryan. Do you wanna maybe shut up?” said Harrison softly, which made you giggle. You wiled the night away with Matt and his friends, almost forgetting that you were hosting. You hadn’t truly realised how much you’d been isolating yourself until it came to actually hanging out with people and having a good time, realising how much you’d missed it. However, as the party wound down, it left you and Matt alone. It was in the almost emptiness of your apartment that you were presented with one hell of a cleaning job. 

“Right, Matthew. I suppose you’ve got some place to be?” you sighed, as your eyes scanned the whirlwind of red cups and pizza boxes. 

“And leave you with all this? Don’t be a hero.” he said, with a half smile. You returned it as you stood up from the couch to retrieve an empty trash bag. You exchanged giggles and private jokes as you both navigated the mess, cleaning your way around “Kobe!” you said, as you expertly threw the last remaining empty solo cup into the trash. Matt sarcastically applauded you, and you took a bow before falling back onto the couch. Matt joined you, but shuffled a few times before pulling a pack of cigarettes out from between the sofa cushions. “I think your friend left those.” you said, recalling that the last person sitting there had been Ryan. Matt shrugged and opened the pack to count how many were left...one. 

“Wanna share it?” he tempted. You looked at Matt, skeptically.

“I’m not about to smoke a hard-working man’s last cigarette that he’s probably out of his mind looking for.” you said, rolling your eyes. Matt said nothing and put the cigarette between his lips.

“I’m gonna smoke it regardless, I just figured I’d ask.” Matt said with a shrug. You sighed before decidedly standing up. You looked out of the balcony doors at the pouring rain, which on any other occasion would have bummed you out. But tonight it just seemed sort of...special. You grabbed a baby-blue blanket that was lazily draped on the back of your sofa. 

“Come on then.” you sighed. Matt flashed a quick smile at you before springing up and following you out to the balcony. The smell of the rain and the fresh air was gorgeous after becoming acclimated to the smell of pizza, beer, and sweat. You held the blanket over you like a protective tarp. Matt shivered before approaching you. 

“Hey, let me in, would ya?” he said shakily. You passed some blanket over for him to hold over his head too. You stood together under your makeshift canopy while Matt lit the cigarette. 

“Are you sure Ryan won’t mind you smoking that?” you persisted. Matt cocked his head before deciding.

“No, he’ll definitely mind. I’ll just get him some more, no big deal.” he said, taking another drag. 

“Well I guess that’s ok then.” you said, your tension releasing. Matt gently placed the cigarette in between your lips for you. You fought back the urge to giggle like a school girl, and instead blushed like a fool. 

“This was awesome by the way. You throw a great party.” Matt said, offhandedly. “It was nice to finally hang out with you, you know, outside of your work hours.” You smiled at the ground bashfully. 

“Yeah, it was nice to hang out with you too. Outside my work hours.” you replied before taking another drag in a desperate effort to remain casual. Matt moved closer to you to stop the blanket tent from collapsing. You felt a surge of excitement as the warmth from his body radiated, so close to yours. You passed the cigarette back to him. 

“I think it’s actually getting light out.” Matt said with a small chuckle. Astonished, you whipped the blanket away to look at the sky, and sure enough, Matt was right. You always preferred the sunrise from the side of staying awake, rather than getting up. It somehow felt like more of an accomplishment. You looked back at Matt, who was now wearing your blanket like a scarf while he was lightly pelted by the rain. You melted at the sight of him huddled in the plaid throw, droplets on the lenses of his glasses and his hair in a goofy swoop. 

“Well shit.” you sighed. Matt scoffed and nodded in agreement. 

“Been a while since you stayed up with the young’ns, grams?” he teased. 

“Twenty-five is not old, you asshole.” you retorted, giving him a gentle punch on the arm. He returned it. 

“Um yes hello, police, I’ve been assaulted.” you gasped in mock outrage.

“Oh no, looks like they don’t give a shit.” Matt replied.

“Someone’s manager is gonna get one hell of a speaking to.” you said. Matt laughed and put out the cigarette. His gazed became soft and you watched his eyes as they flickered down to your mouth. He closed the small gap between you too, and his lips met yours. It was soft and sweet, but gave you the most intense and wonderful butterflies. Matt’s hands rested on your jaw, and yours found his waist. You could feel his appreciation for you in the way he touched you. And that’s when the fear set in. You gently pushed him away. Your lips tingled where Matt had been. You stood there like an idiot while he stared, waiting for you to say something, anything at all. Those few seconds felt like an eternity. “Matt...I’m sorry I don’t think I should be-” 

“It’s ok. Don’t be sorry.” he replied with a pained smile. “I shouldn’t have done that without asking you.” he mumbled, face flushing. 

“No, please let me explain,” you begged.

“Y/n, it’s ok! Really! You don’t owe me an explanation, you’re allowed to not be into someone, you know?” he rambled, desperately trying to save face and be as kind as possible in the moment of rejection. He tried to hide his pain with a smile, but you saw through it. You’d seen him in various states of anguish before, but those were nothing like this. Knowing you’d been responsible for him making that face was like a punch to your gut. 

“Matt, it’s really not that. Look, it’s hard to explain.” you stammered.

“You don’t have to.” Matt repeated. 

“I know but I want to, I just can’t figure out how to say this stuff and it’s hard, just give me a minute ok?” you tried to summon the words, but you just couldn’t. “Look, can we talk about this another time? I have to get some sleep.” 

Matt took a deep breath before giving you an understanding smile. “That’s ok. Just call me when you wanna talk.” he replied before handing you back your blanket. You nodded in recognition before walking Matt to your front door. After a painfully awkward goodbye, you closed the door, and stood for a moment. A cute guy took an interest in you, of course  _ you  _ would find a way to blow it. A defeated sigh escaped you before you retreated to your room, and flopped face-down on your bed. Matt’s wounded expression was the last thing that crossed your mind as you finally fell asleep


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, so i thank ya'll for waiting for this. i've had major writer's block recently, but i'm pretty happy with how this turned out. hope ya'll like it, but if you don't, that's also fine, i mostly wrote this for myself to jerk off to so that's that tbh

_ “Hey, me again. Sorry for double-calling, just wanna check in and see if you’re alive. Haven’t heard from you in a while so uhhh...hope you’re having a good day and...uh...yeah. Bye.”  _

Matt’s simple voicemail message was enough to make your eyes well up. You cursed yourself for not being able to explain your feelings. You’d spent the past two weeks at war with yourself, all of your thoughts contradicting one another. One moment you’d be crying and wallowing, the next you’d be doing anything you could to stop yourself from thinking. The truth of the matter was that you were furious, and had no idea how to express it. You were simply terrified that you’d fall back into your old patterns of lashing out at people. You’d spent years treating people like scratching posts, and justifying this behaviour with the excuse that you were just angry. This time you were angry at the people who’d screwed you over in the past and made you scared, angry at Matt for being perfect, angry at yourself for falling for him in the first place, despite your best efforts not to. And on top of it all, you were angry at yourself for hurting him. In an attempt to protect him, and yourself, you’d only upset the both of you. Your tired eyes looked hopelessly around your messy apartment. Everything seemed to blend together, save for one thing that caught your eye. The baby-blue blanket was balled up on the floor by your coffee table. Without thinking, you reached down and scooped it up, holding it to your chest. It hadn’t been moved since you dumped it before marching off to bed on the night of your party. Two weeks, it had spent on the floor, being stepped over and ignored. It still smelled vaguely of Old Spice and hair gel. 

“What am I doing?” you muttered to yourself as you discarded the blanket and stood up, resolving that an evening drive would fix your foul mood. With no destination in particular, you began driving. It wasn’t long before your stomach began rumbling, and the realisation struck you that you hadn’t eaten at all that day. You pulled up outside a 7-Eleven, and hopped out of your car, the sudden fluorescent light stinging your eyes as you entered the store. As they came back into focus, you spotted a young man by the Slurpee machine, with his dark hair tied back into a bun.  _ Avoid.  _ You ducked your head as you made a beeline for the chip aisle. You loaded your arms with snacks, not even really looking at what you were grabbing, before losing your grip on the armful of goodies. The sound of falling snacks alerted the rest of the patrons in the store, including Ryan at the Slurpee machine. You gulped as you made eye contact with him, your head suddenly filling with scenarios. Had Matt told Ryan how awful you were? How much did he know? Your stomach growled again. But this time out of anxiety, as you saw Ryan actually begin to approach you. Awesome. You were going to get your head bitten off for sure. 

“Hey, y/n.” he said, gently. You managed a nervous smile. “Need a hand?” he said, bending down to pick up your miscellaneous snacks before placing them in his own basket. 

“Are you stealing my snacks?” you challenged him with an eyebrow raised. 

“Yeah, you look like you’re having a hard day so I figured I’d make it worse.” he replied. 

“Well I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case honestly.” you sighed, walking with him to the Slurpee machine. 

“Huh?” he questioned, as you got yourself a large cherry. 

“Well yannoe...because of what I did to Matt.” you replied, reluctantly, all the while avoiding eye-contact. You and Ryan approached the cash register and paid for your respective snacks. 

“That’s between you guys.” he said with a shrug. “Besides, I don’t really know what happened there.” 

“Me neither, in all honesty.” you sighed. “Is he ok?” the pair of you exited the convenience store. 

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” Ryan said, as he pointed across the street to his fiat, where Matt sat in the passenger seat, the glow of his phone screen illuminating his gaunt features. You caught your breath at the sight of him. Not speaking to him for all that time had been agony, so just seeing his face again brought you bliss. 

“Ok. I guess.” you said, stiffly, as the bliss mutated into anxiety. Ryan led you to his car and opened the driver’s side door. You stood awkwardly, waiting for Matt to notice you. 

“Look who I found.” Ryan said, gesturing vaguely to you. Matt’s face lit up, before contorting with nerves. You gave him a weak wave. Matt’s expression changed again to one of hurt. 

“Do you want this?” you blurted out, holding out your Slurpee to Matt. It was all you could even think of to say. Matt suppressed a laugh before shaking his head. 

“Oh come on, Matt, now you don’t wanna talk to her? Get out of the car.” Ryan interjected. Matt obliged. “Y/n, why don’t you and Matt take a drive?” Ryan suggested. You nodded, and Matt silently walked with you to your car. The drive to your apartment was silent, but comfortable. Neither of you spoke a word until you finally reached you living room, and both took a seat on the couch. 

“So, what’s up?” Matt asked. That was all it took. The words came tumbling out of you, like a character in a disney movie bursting into song.

“Look I can’t be into you, it’s not ok for me to like you or for me to be with you or to let you be into me, I’ve worked too hard and come too far to just throw it all away and lose myself again, I’m scared that I’m going to undo all my progress and ruin whatever it is that we have by getting obsessed with you. Then you’re gonna get bored of me and it’s gonna make me even  _ more  _ obsessed with you and drive you even further away and I don’t know how the hell I’m gonna handle that. I can’t handle how much I like you, I can’t indulge that part of myself, I have to keep my distance because I know I’m gonna fuck this up. I’m bad at all of this, I can’t do it.” you babbled, tears forming in your eyes. Matt took your hand. 

“Why do you think that?” he asked, genuinely. 

“Because that’s what happens. I’m too much. You don’t know what you’d be getting yourself into.” you insisted. Matt’s eyes locked onto yours. 

“So tell me.” he replied, gently but with determination. And you did. You let it all spill out of you, everything that had been done to you and everything you’d done in return. Your past of stalking and entitlement and guilt-tripping people for not wanting to be with you, your crippling inability to process rejection or abandonment, and your fear about what this meant for you. You laid everything out, about SLAA and how you knew Dee. You were candid, honest, and vulnerable, while Matt listened intently, absolutely set on trying to understand you. When you were finally done, Matt was silent for a few seconds, before taking a deep breath. 

“Wow.” he said. 

“Yeah.” you hung your head, waiting for him to get up and leave after realising you weren’t as put together as he thought. 

“You’re amazing.” he said softly, taking your hand once again. “I mean I knew you were a badass before, I knew you were special, but now…” 

“It’s not that deep, dude.” you said, blushing. 

“It is! After everything, you’re still here.” he said. You met his eyes again. That was when it clicked with you. Your feelings for one another were balanced. The awe in his eyes was real, you couldn’t fake that kind of look. “Y/n, you deserve the things you want, I promise you that.” 

Matt said. His words rang through you like a gong. This was a phrase that nobody had ever said to you before, that you had no idea how badly you needed to hear. It broke you. You collapsed into Matt’s slight frame and sobbed as he held you. In that moment, he became your home.

Your crying subsided, and the pair of relaxed into good-natured chatter as you shared the Slurpee and snacks, exchanging little pecks here and there. Until one of the pecks lingered and became a real kiss. You could taste the cherry slurpee on Matt's lips, and hear him catch his breath. His hands rested sweetly either side of your face, brushing your skin with his thumbs, while your curious hands wandered over his waist and chest. Your heart raced as Matt deepened the kiss and pulled you closer to his body. His slender hands found their way into your hair, sending your nerves into overdrive as he ran his fingers through it. As your knees became weak, you reluctantly broke away from Matt's perfect lips. His eyes opened and met yours with awe. He gave you a gentle smile, different from his usual boyish, cheeky grin. "You legitimately give me butterflies, you know that?" Matt giggled softly. As if your cheeks could get any redder! 

"Well you're not so bad either I guess." you teased, playfully tugging on his t-shirt. A small chuckle escaped Matt as he continued to gaze down at you adoringly. The sweet sound of his laughter made you melt. 

"Come on, ya tree." you said, as you took his hand and led him to your room. 

He sat down on your bed, playfully bouncing in his seated position. You cocked your head and stared with curiosity at the behaviour of this absolute man child. 

"You just testing it out there, bud?" you questioned, eyebrow raised. 

"Yup. Gotta make sure my girl is getting good sleep." he replied. Your heart fluttered at his choice of words, before you joined him on the bed. 

"Not to be fussy or anything, but please take your shoes off before you put your feet on my bed." you said, hating to be so nitpicky. However Matt obliged and laughed at you. 

"You're a professional mood killer, aren't ya?" he teased. 

"Mumma said I could be anything." you said, shooting finger guns at him, making him giggle. After he'd kicked his shoes off, you sat back, patting the space next to you. He joined you, relaxing into your soft pillows and gazing at you once again. That was all it took for you to want him close to you again. You softly stroked his hair, lightly massaging the back of his neck in the process. His contented sighs sounded almost like purring, which drew you in even closer, meeting his lips again. This kiss was soft and purposeful. The both of you exchanged lazy caresses of one another's clothed bodies while you lay together. Matt's hand wandered down to your waist and under your shirt, causing you to flinch. He retreated, pulling away from the kiss at the same time. 

"Sorry," he whispered "I'll ease up if it's-" 

"Matt it's ok." you quickly affirmed "Just caught me off guard." Matt brushed your hair away from your face. 

"You sure, sweetie?" he asked. You broke out into a smile from his term of endearment. You took his hand and placed it back to your waist. 

"Yep, it's good touching. Now do more." you confirmed, returning to kiss him. With new confidence, his hand found its way into your shirt again, giving you goosebumps. You tugged his shirt to indicate that you wanted him on top of you, a request which he more than happily accommodated. His hands moved down to your thighs now, stroking and squeezing in equal measure. His touch made you feel so special and wanted, for it was gentle yet needy. The kiss became deeper and more passionate, as he brushed your tongue with his own. The pair of you became breathless as you desperately fondled one another. Matt pulled away again and sat up, quickly pulling off his shirt before returning to you. You felt an even greater sense of excitement as your hands got to clutch at his bare skin. You writhed underneath him, pushing your pelvis upwards to his. He took the hint and grinded down. As he did this, his mouth migrated down to your cheek, then to your neck. An involuntary moan escaped you as his hot breath passed over your skin, and his crotch rhythmically rutted into yours. Your hands moved from his hair to your chest to unbutton your shirt and removed it, a motion which he welcomed with kisses to your newly exposed chest and collarbones. You whimpered as he nipped and licked your bare skin, which encouraged him to quicken the pace of his grinding. He grabbed onto one of your tits and his mouth found your ear. 

"Is that OK, babygirl?" he purred, turning you on immensely. You confirmed this by arching your back and removing your bra. Matt sat up and you both took a moment to appreciate one another’s bare torsos as they were complemented by the streetlamp light that came in through your shutters. Your eyes slowly manoeuvred over Matt's slim, graceful frame. You raised your hand to stroke his stomach and ribs, an absolute treat to your senses. 

"God, look at you." he said, gazing lovingly at your naked upper body, hands resting either side of your waist. Hearing how turned on he was through his words and inflection lit a fire in your chest. You unzipped your jeans before Matt helped you pull them off, leaving you in just your panties. Now he was enchanted by your legs and thighs. He ran his hands over them, wanting to savour every moment, knowing that this was the only chance he'd get to see your body for the first time. The way his eyes scanned you sent sparks through your being. Never had you felt so beautiful, desired, and comfortable in your own skin. Matt came back down to kiss you again, this time travelling down from your neck to your chest. From you chest to your stomach, where he stayed and gave you light, teasing pecks. His hands rested on your hips, thumbs grazing over your pelvis. 

"You're so hot, you know that?" he growled from below, thrilling you even more. His kisses moved down to your thighs as one of his long, graceful hands came up onto one of your tits. You couldn't help but whine at all this attention. The slender boy teased you further as his kisses got closer to your panty line, but then migrating back to your thighs. With his free hand he delicately rubbed your pussy through your underwear, causing you to moan unexpectedly. Matt's maddeningly soft touch coupled with the intimate kisses drove you insane. You needed him. Now. 

"Fuck, baby, I need your mouth." you said, breathily. You felt Matt exhale a laugh onto your inner thigh. 

"Yeah?" he asked, looking up at you with an eyebrow raised. You gave him a naughty smile before guiding his hands to the top of your underwear. He returned your sultry glance before removing your panties for you. He began to tease you again, licking your inner thighs. 

"Come onnnn, Matt!" you groaned impatiently. You were insane with the need for his tongue on your clit. He looked at you again before slowly pushing the tip of his tongue against your swollen love-button. You cried out at the sudden contact, your hands finding their way back to his caramel tresses. He pulled away again, sitting up slightly. You were about to protest when you felt him hook his arms under your knees and pull your hips up closer to his face. The dominant way he held onto you while gently teasing your clit was electrifying. You tossed your head back at he pressed down hard again, his circular motions turning you into a hot panting mess. His hands went up to your tits again, gently rolling your nipples between your fingers as he worked your pussy with his mouth. He stopped again and looked at you with those blue devils of his. "I love those noises." he said from below. His horny words made your pussy quiver. He resumed the delicate flicks and strokes, varying his rhythm while you dissolved and floated on this sensation of his perfect tongue. He stopped again. 

"Do you want my fingers, baby?" he said. 

"Fuck yes." you replied, bracing yourself. He found your hole with his middle finger toyed with the entrance. Placing his tongue back on your exhausted clit, he plunged his long finger into your pussy, causing you to gasp and arch your back. He continued this way until inserting another finger and intensifying his rhythm. He worked your clit while curving his fingers upwards in your hole, finding the spot that made you scream in pleasure. You began to feel the stirring feeling, the waves of pleasure building up throughout your body. Matt could sense you were close and ceased the motion of his tongue. You whined in protest and rubbed your clit yourself, but Matt stopped you by leaning over you and pinning your wrists down either side of your face. You felt a jolt of excitement through your core as the young man took control of you. 

"When can I come?" you begged, helplessly. Matt's pretty mouth curled into a devilish half smile, not replying to you. You whimpered again. 

"Please baby, don't you want me to come?" you persisted. Matt's smile softened, he couldn't keep the act up anymore. His grip on your wrists loosened as he came down to kiss you softly. The intimacy of stopping in the middle of such heated foreplay just to show your appreciation for one another warmed your heart as you pulled him closer, hands on his shoulders. Matt's lips found your ear. 

"Of course I want you to come, y/n. Just be patient." he whispered. You shivered in return. His fingers went back into you and resumed their consistent curling motion while his thumb rubbed your clit in circular motions. You kissed deeply, catching your breath as the motions drew you closer and closer to the edge. The involuntary rotation of your hips told Matt to go faster and he kissed you harder. You felt your face and chest grow hot as the waves built up, finally peaking at a deliciously intense orgasm. You writhed beneath your man as he kissed your neck and lead you through the moment of ecstasy, before your breath finally slowed and he ceased. You lay still for a moment beneath him, panting as he rolled off you to lay beside you. 

"Holy fuck." you sighed "I didn't know anyone could make me come like that. Besides myself obviously." 

"Plenty more where that came from." replied Matt. 

"I should hope so. But first…" you hoisted yourself up to straddle him. His eyes lit up at the sight of your naked form on top of him. You leaned down with the intention of kissing him again but he surprised you by taking one of your tits in his hand and gently guiding you towards his mouth. He ran his tongue over it with the same skills he'd used on your now exhausted, twitching pussy, but the touch still had you trembling with excitement. You let him enjoy your nipples for a while, as he switched between them with his gorgeous mouth. You loved the way he looked savouring you like this, a slave to your flesh. But you were determined to give him a taste of your own skills. When he removed his mouth from your breasts, you seized the opportunity and moved down in between his legs. You examined the bulge in his jeans: an unmistakable erection. You couldn't wait to see what it looked like springing free from his underwear when you would finally remove them. But for now, you would make him wait, just like he did to you. You palmed his bulge, causing a moan to escape him. You rubbed along the outline, just as turned on as he was to have you there. 

"y/n please…" he moaned. You giggled as you continued to toy with him, running your hands over his inner thighs and kissing his taut stomach. He bucked his hips up towards you, desperate for your touch, needy groans tumbling from his lips. You finally gave in and unzipped his jeans, continuing to rub the outline of his cock through his boxers. His breath hitched at the new sensation. You tongued and sucked the bulge before finally releasing it for him. Your eyes lit up as his beautiful cock sprung free from his underwear. He sighed with relief as his erection could finally breathe. You inched down further so you could comfortably take his shaft into your mouth. You worked the shaft with your hand while teasing the tip with your tongue. Matt moaned when you finally slid your mouth down the length. You sucked rhythmically as you continued to tongue the underside while it was in your mouth. Matt thrust his hips into your motions, taken away by your skillful sucking. 

"Fuck, you're so good at that." he cursed under his breath. He found enough composure to hold your hair back with one hand and stroke your face with the other. "You look amazing down there." he growled. You acknowledged this comment by gazing up at him, still holding his cock in you mouth. The eye contact made the shaft in your mouth twitch, exciting you and encouraging you to move faster. But Matt gently lead you back up to him with your chin. Once you were at eye level with him, he flipped you onto your back and regained control. 

"Don't let me come yet." he demanded. You nodded in agreement, and he kissed you hard again. You his cock rest upon your pussy now that you were both exposed. You prompted Matt to remove his jeans the rest of the way, which he did so smoothly. Now that you were both completely naked, you continued making out, his kisses moving down to your neck again. 

"Do you want it inside you?" he whispered. 

"Yes." you replied, weakly reaching for your nightstand and retrieving a condom. Once Matt had put it on, he rubbed his length along your clit a few times, making you gasp. Finally he slid into you, moaning as he did so. You couldn't stop yourself mewling as you suddenly felt the ridges and veins of his hard cock against your walls. He moved slowly out and back in, driving you insane. You wanted pounding. You pushed him off you and straddled him as he lay on his back. You gasped at you guided him back into you. You rolled your hips slowly at first to get used to riding the glorious dick, but soon lost yourself in the rhythm. You were bouncing on his cock like your life depended on it, throwing your head back and crying out for him. 

"Your pussy feels fucking amazing." Matt said, breathlessly. His hands took a bruising grip on your thighs as he thrusted up against your movements. His thumb found your clit again, and you lost all your composure. The feeling of him twitching within your walls as he rubbed your raw clitoris was almost too much for you. He noticed your sudden inability to ride, and took the initiative of flipping you onto your back. He continued pounding you out as he played with your clit. You were a mess beneath him, hips moving in involuntary circles. His other hand wandered over your abdomen, until it grabbed onto your hip. He buried his head in the crook of your neck as he fucked you even faster. His breath on your neck made you shiver. Every beautiful sensation seemed to melt into one as you came, even harder than the first time. Your breath became rapid, and your hips bucked upwards beyond your control and the moment of ecstasy consumed you. The feeling of your walls spasming against his cock while it was at its peak was enough to bring Matt to orgasm. He rested his forehead on yours while you both climaxed together. Matt collapsed onto you after your respective orgasms eased up. You panted, rest your hands on his upper back. You felt him regain his breath. You let go and he flopped on his back with a deep sigh. 

“Well that happened.” Matt said, panting beside you. You laughed, breathlessly.

“It sure did.” you replied. Matt turned to face you and ran his hand through your hair. Your eyes closed and you hummed with bliss at his loving touch. “That’s nice.” you muttered softly. Matt leant forward and softly kissed your forehead. You snuggled into his side, making a small sound of comfort as the man you were falling in love with engulfed you in his warmth.

“Hey so, uh, I’m definitely in love with you, by the way. Just throwing that out there.” Matt said. Your heartbeat sped up again, and you looked up at him. 

“Well that’s convenient.” you said, propping yourself up to meet his eye level. “Because I’m definitely in love with you too.” 


End file.
